It’s funny. I was on a total high last month – things were so good: I was exercising every day, my anxiety was under control, I was taking care of myself, I had a positive outlook, etc. Then, February hit and shit came tumbling down… fast.
Our oldest had some hard days with his episodes. Unfortunately, when he has rough days, I too have even worse days. My depression came back.. hard.
January’s highs came down like a free fall and I fell hard.. probably further down than I’ve been for years. My very bad relationship with food came back. I wanted to distance myself from everyone. I stopped exercising. I stopped blogging. I stopped journaling. When depression hits, I don’t want to do a damn thing and I self sabotage. I don’t take care of myself and I binge eat all the sugar I can get a hold of. Depression is ugly and it sucks. Then, add in my friend anxiety and it’s a whole lot of fun.
If there’s a silver lining here: I called for help. I got on my therapist’s schedule again and I got an appointment with the prescriber for my anti-depressants. I’ve been on the lowest dose possible, but it is obvious I needed a step up. I couldn’t manage myself and things weren’t good.
Another silver lining: my therapist reminded me I’ve been here before. And, it doesn’t last forever and I always get myself back out of it. She’s right. Somehow out of the dark, I do seem to crawl myself out. I’m here. I’m blogging.. that’s a small step out of it. We also took the kids to the trampoline park, so I burned a bunch of calories. The exercise felt great.
This rollercoaster is pretty rough right now, but I’m looking forward to seeing the light again.