I’ve scheduled my tubal consult for tomorrow morning. The one thing I’ve been a little concerned about, besides the obvious, is I’m hoping I’m not having a prolapse issue. If I do, this tubal will be easier for me to swallow since there would be another medical reason for surgery.
When we talked about me having the surgery, he said that he does not want to be in a marriage where I will resent him for the rest of his life. And he wanted to make it clear that he was not forcing me into it. I told him, I have NO choice. I don’t want to be taking BC pills anymore and he hates condoms. So it HAS to be him or me. And apparently, I don’t have a choice because he’s not willing to do it.
I hope I don’t end up resentful for this. But, I can’t help to think, in this moment, that my husband is a selfish coward. It hurts my heart that he’s not willing to give any physical sacrifice for me. And I’m not sure if I’ll want him there during surgery day.
We will see what the doctor says tomorrow. I have a lot to think about.
Edit: I’d like to make this clear, as I’m not upset at my husband for the surgery itself. I’m 100% sure my baby-making days are over, and if I didn’t have the history for fertility treatments, and we were a “normal” reproductive couple, I’m pretty certain him and I wouldn’t have even talked about a vasectomy. However, what makes me upset, is I feel like him not willing to give something for me sort of discredits the sacrifices I made for him and I to have a family. Like, does he not understand the physical and mental things I went through? Does he not remember the HSG test where my legs were open to a full room of people and the dr could not get the catheter through my cervix? Does he not remember the dr needed to insert a dilator and use a metal catheter to get up there to perform the test and I was in tears because I was absolutely mortified? All the injections, estrogen patches, long needles, procedures, dildo cams… and, after all of that, pregnancies that were not the easiest. And yet, he’s not willing to think about getting two tubes clipped. I just don’t understand how a partner can’t look at it all, and be like, “you know what? As much as I don’t want to do this, you’ve been through enough. I’ll take this one.”