Infertility

Relieved.

I had the consult appt yesterday morning. He said they now remove the whole Fallopian tube vs “tubes tied” because they are finding it will reduce a woman’s chances of ovarian cancer by removing the tubes completely. I will need one full week off of work and the procedure should be pretty routine.

I told him about my bladder/pelvic symptoms: have a lot of pressure/pain in my pelvis after I jog.. I feel like I have to urinate all the time. Sometimes I stand up and feel as though I haven’t emptied my bladder completely and have to move around to get the right angle to empty myself. Yes, joys of vaginal births, sigh. He is having me do an ultrasound next week to check for ovarian cysts, and I think the also see if he can tell if things have “started to drop”. But, he said he will be looking around in there during surgery to access where things are and if things have started to move downward. 🤷🏻‍♀️

As far as the husband, him and I had a really good talk tonight. I told him I had to understand his reasoning completely before I could move forward with the surgery and feel good about it. He explained that he has been feeling so overwhelmed with stress: work, life, etc that he is barely holding on and can’t take on one more thing right now. He went on to his fears, health-wise, too. He understands I want/need to get this done now, but he can’t do it for me right now. Honestly, I know he’s been stressed. I’ve been emotionally/physically drained and the feeling of drowning (hence PPD and therapy), so I get it. Which is the exact reason why him or I need to get something done now. Him and I cannot afford to take on one more baby- we would be pushed passed our breaking point. I know this, and I know we have reached our limit.

So, I understand his reasoning. I do know him, and if he doesn’t want to do something, he won’t do it; which I told him that. However, I do believe him and it wasn’t the fact that he wasn’t willing to do it, he’s just not willing to think about needing to do one more thing right now. His fear is that I will resent him for this and will want to leave him down the road. Or, this would be a deal breaker for me now and want to leave him.

So, I’m feeling better about getting this surgery done. His reasoning made sense to me and I’m just relieved he’s not doing it because he’s scared of it or because he’s unsure we will work out and want to keep himself “together” just in case.

Surgery is scheduled for January 7th. With all the fertility treatments, in the back of my mind, I’m terrified they are going to find something scary in there during surgery. I’m scared to wake up and find out they needed to do more or they found I have ovarian cancer. Honestly, that’s what my fear is about this surgery. But, I need to stay positive and hope for the best. I’ll be relieved when all of this is behind us.

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3 thoughts on “Relieved.

    1. Thank you, me too. It was probably one of the most productive disagreement talks we’ve had. Our arguments are usually never productive and one or both of us just get severely pissed off at the other. So, I’d say it was a success in many ways.

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