Surgery is done.

Yesterday leading up to surgery day, I was a bit of a disaster. I’ve quickly realized having surgery before kiddos is a lot different than having surgery with kiddos. You think about things more and you truly realize how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away. I’m not necessarily scared of death, but I’m scared to death about the thought of leaving my kids. I decided I wanted to write my husband, and my kids each a letter, just in case. I was a disaster writing them, and even more so writing A’s letter. He’s just over one and the realization that if something did happen to me during surgery, he wouldn’t remember his mommy at all. The mere thought tore me up. Anyways, I somehow made it through the letters and either my husband didn’t notice the huge bags under my eyes from crying, or he chose not to say anything. Disclaimer: he has no idea I wrote these.. I locked myself in the bathroom.. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ™„

My in-laws took the kids for the night since I had to be at the surgery center bright-and-early, so the hubby and I decided to go to dinner. We talked about the upcoming surgery and he said I could change my mind if I wanted. We talked about the ideal time to have a 3rd (if we would do it), and he would be 40 and I would be in the upper 30s.. that just isn’t what we want at that age. We want to enjoy the two chillens we have and be able to start taking some family trips and not be tied down to a newborn. I also am highly against getting pregnant again because I feel like the postpartum depression would win and I would get swallowed up in the black hole I so tiptoed around this time. I’m finally feeling like a functional human again and I DO NOT want to go back there. Lastly, there was a day (not so long ago), we never thought we would have one child- but we have been truly blessed with two. Why should we even try to ask for anything more than that? So, the decision was final and I wanted to move forward with the surgery. *as a side note, I was highly looking forward to decreasing any sort of chance for getting ovarian cancer, I was all about getting my tubes completely removed.

This morning I arrived at the surgery center at 6:00 am and the surgery started promptly a little after 7:00 am. I’m told all went smoothly and he was successful at removing both tubes completely. The tubes have been sent to pathology for testing (I’m told this is routine). The surgery lasted about 30-45 minutes. I woke up pretty quickly from anesthesia and thankfully no nausea or vomiting, thus far πŸ™ŒπŸΌπŸ™ŒπŸΌ

The incisions are a bit sore (mostly stinging sensation) and I’m bleeding a bit downstairs; which has even slowed down quite a bit since I’ve gotten home.

Other than that, I don’t feel too different. I’m not sad or regret the surgery so far. I think our decision on why we were doing it was solid, so I don’t anticipate any regret moving forward. The thought of never having to worry about getting pregnant sort of baffles my mind. I think since we were stuck in the infertility chapter for years, it’s sort of second-nature to look for pregnancy signs and fertility signs. So, to just turn off the switch I don’t think will happen quickly.

With all of that said, we have come out the other side of infertility chapter pretty well. Even though we had many bumps and roadblocks, somehow we ended up with two amazing boys and I’m humbled that we are their parents. It truly doesn’t get any better than this, and I look forward to watching both of them grow and us being a family of 4 β€οΈπŸ’•

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