Hard truth

It’s been 15 days I’ve been really spending some quality time on myself. Not just trying to lose some pounds, but also trying to gain an understanding of myself.

15 days I have actively been working out. Only 3 days did I take rest days, and even at that, those rest days I did yoga.

15 days I have been figuring out my anxiety triggers, and the negative coping skills I have been medicating myself with (ie sweet binges).

15 days I have been taking time out of my day to journal and/or read a book for a type of escape.

And on this 15th day, I realized I no longer want to put myself last. I am realizing by doing that, I am not only making myself suffer; but, I am making my whole family suffer with me.

Day 15 I mark to put myself first (or relatively first). I need to take time out for my health. I need to take time out for my sanity. I am human. By starting to move myself up on the priority list, I feel empowered. I feel happier. I feel like I am starting to enjoy my husband and kids again. So, by putting some time and effort in myself, my family also gains.

Yesterday at my oldest’s therapy session, I admitted to my son I have faults and I’m not perfect. Even mommy is working on herself. And, I told him my biggest trigger is the noise chaos. I wasn’t sure if he understood what I was trying to tell him or not, but I need to start being honest with myself and with my kids. My oldest definitely struggles with anxiety, and I want him to know he’s not alone.

So this morning, him and his brother start getting loud and I could feel my anxiety heighten. I looked at my oldest, and I said calmly “sweetie, so you remember what I told you yesterday about noise?” He looked at me and says “yes”. And by some miracle, he lowered his voice and he stopped yelling. He heard me. He understood and he listened. At that moment, I was so proud of not only me but of my son.

So, reality sucks. It’s hard to take a big look at yourself and your life and admit there are a lot of problems. But, these 15 days have been the best days I have had in a long time. I’m hopeful things will continue and we will all be in a happier place. ❤️


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